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Writer's pictureBria Florell

Doula Tip: DON'T TELL PEOPLE YOUR DUE DATE

Updated: Apr 28

Did you know: you only have a 4-5% chance of giving birth on your due date (your due date is calculated at 40 weeks of pregnancy in the US - read more about due dates from the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology here). Don't get us wrong - due dates can still be helpful information for your medical team to know when to offer routine tests, or monitor your pregnancy. But they're NOT a guaranteed birth date, and they're NOT an expiration date on your pregnancy.

A pregnant person shown from chin to knee, holding her belly.  Words read: Doula tip: Don't tell people your due date

The due date is generally calculated by a simple math equation. Start with the first day of your last menstrual period (LMP) and add 280 days. Voila! Due date! But...this math equation doesn't take into account that all bodies are different. Menstrual cycles vary in length, and people ovulate on different days of the cycle. Plus, babies grow at different rates!


You wouldn't expect to plant 4 tomato plants and have all 4 produce perfectly ripe, red tomatoes on the same exact day, would you? No! Just like other living things in nature, our bodies have variations. It's perfectly normal to be pregnant for 38-42 weeks.


Note: if you choose to have a "dating ultrasound" done between 9-12 weeks of pregnancy, this can usually calculate your due date a little bit more accurately than the LMP method. But even if you do that, babies still don't come on their due dates.


While it is true that most babies in the US come before their 40-week "due date" thanks to inductions and c-sections, the average first time birther will actually give birth 5 days after their due date, if they wait for labor to begin on it's own (read the evidence on due dates here). This means that 50% of first timers waiting for labor are pregnant for longer than 40 weeks and 5 days!


Despite this, as a society we're still super obsessed with due dates! Americans value things coming fast and on time, and waiting for a baby is in direct contrast with that value.


So what happens when you tell people your due date? --- You get all the "where's baby?!" texts! While this might not sound so bad right now, it's absolutely exhausting for most people at the end of pregnancy. It often puts people into a headspace where they start to doubt their body, wonder if they might be pregnant forever (you definitely won't be!), and may even prompt them to opt for a medical induction to get the baby out before they're both ready.


Here's what some of our Instagram followers had to say about those pesky "where's baby?!" texts:

Instagram comment reading: "THIS!! with my first I was obsessed with my due date and was sooo discouraged when people would ask me why I was still pregnant.  This time around I let that go and just keep telling myself I'm having a spring baby lol
Instagram comment reading: It was so relentless with my first I turned my notifications off.  It was awful, I had prodromal labor for weeks with him and was so swollen and uncomfortable, I probably could've cut someone if they asked to my face (laughing emoji).  My husband made the mistake of saying "middle of September" so when we got to the end of September people were hounding us.  He never made that mistake again.  With our fourth baby (who was our rainbow baby) we hardly told anyone I was even pregnant, just showed up with a baby - highly recommend (laughing emoji).  It was my most peaceful pregnancy, labor, and delivery.
Instagram comment reading: "yes and two weeks before baby arrived I told everyone to kick rocks and I'll tell them when baby gets here"
Instagram comment reading: "LOVE this tip, no one wants to hear that question when we have little control on when baby arrives (hands in the air emoji)"

What to do instead of telling people your due date?

➡️ Give people a due "month" instead of date. Try saying, "we're guessing baby will be here by the end of March".

➡️ Overestimate the due date you tell people. For example: if you're due February 28th, tell people baby will be here by St. Patty's Day!

➡️ Ask your partner to manage the "where's baby?" texts so you don't have to see them.

➡️ Plan fun stuff to do at the end of pregnancy to take your mind off of waiting for baby. Look for fun things that will distract you, get you out of the house (and moving your body!), but that are also cheap and easy to cancel in case you DO go into labor early.


Already told people your due date?

➡️ Most people probably forgot the exact date, so just push it out a week or two next time they ask. But for the person who has it circled on their calendar: try asking them not to send "where's baby?" texts. Tell them you'll let them know when baby's here! No news is good news.

➡️ Blame your midwife or OB and tell your family the due date changed 😛 (I'm pro using a little white lie to save your sanity). And if your midwife or OB actually does change your due date and push it out a few days, yay! A few more days at the end of pregnancy before anyone brings up a talk about induction 🤗


Protect your peace, friends!


For those of you reading who aren't pregnant...

We know your texts are well meaning! But instead of asking "where's baby?" try asking "what can I drop off at your house for dinner? Do tacos sound good?"


As a society, we need to work to shift our focus to the parents - not the baby. Ignoring due dates is a good place to start.

 

Need help navigating due date conversations with your medical team, friends, and family? Book a free consultation with one of our doulas today! We're not here just to support your labor - we also support your whole pregnancy and postpartum ❤️

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